I believe that one should set big goals. Have big dreams. Pay attention to details and aim to achieve perfection. It is not even the matter of faith – I am like that and this is the expression of my nature.
I am much disciplined when it comes to goals I set for myself, and I have always had plenty of respect for people, for whom the “sky is (also) the limit”.
James Cook, Steve Jobs, Branson – they have always been my huge idols.
It’s either perfect or none.
No half-measures. No stopgaps. No justifications, excuses, explaining.
I don’t accept “no”, “I can’t”, “good enough”, “nobody’s gonna notice anyway”. These are words having the same effect on me as a red rag on a bull. I understand others find it hard being around me. But there is a person, who finds it most difficult of all, who must endure it more often than others, more intensively and for longer, and who will always hear from me when something isn’t right. And I always think something isn’t right.
That person is me.
No one has to endure my presence more and for longer than I do. I sometimes let it go with others. I sometimes close my eye to things. It happens rarely, but I have weaker days, when there is just no energy to fight. But I will never let it go when it comes to me.
As a child, I happened to re-write my entire notebooks if someone folded or stained a page (this way I learnt not to lend my notes to anyone – because it was really a lot of work).
At some point I turned my being and living by 100% into the air I breathe. When I am to do something, it’s all or nothing. Nothing done by half… I am not proud of it. But I am also not ashamed of this characteristic. I accepted it as part of me. It helps me get where I want to be and when I finally get there, I am happy. So hard or easy – it doesn’t matter – I am like that and I got used to myself.
Despite my bumpy life path and my own DNA, I got to like the fact that I am set for 120%.
Until one weekend… Berlin, meditation course in Buddhist Shambala line. Rinpoche Sakyong leads the lectures.
Extraordinarily inspiring speech on how own development influences the development of the entire society, how we are all connected, how hard we need to try to change our old habits to new ones, which will be serving better both ourselves and others.
Exactly. I’m working on it. Sweating. Every day. But… for such a long time, the results are rather small.
I am already setting myself the next action plan. In my head I calculate how much time I waste for this or that (including writing this blog), what I need to do for when, in order to ditch these habits for my own good and for the good of entire mankind.
‘Sometimes we fall into a trap – all or nothing.’
No, it’s not a trap, it’s my DNA – I think to myself.
‘Sometimes we expect that after such course a big change will happen and we’ll be enlightened.’
Hey, of course, I am expecting that! After all, I give up the Internet, computer and other things for three days, so I hope that…
‘I will tell you a mantra and everything will be fine.’
He took the words out of my mouth. I have such exact expectations, also now. I am waiting for that mantra. I know one should not get attached and not expect anything, but in the Shambala tradition there is a lot of acceptance of the human nature, so, until I am Buddha, it’s obvious I will be expecting.
‘So, nothing like that will happen! Every day you need to work on that, abandon the thought that something will happen immediately or some huge change will take place. If you expect everything or nothing, you get disheartened very quickly. You need to work, but you cannot expect big things. All I am asking you is to make a shift… just a little bit.’
The translator, who is more than ideal, suddenly stuttered… “Riponche, I’m sorry, I didn’t understand…”
‘Just a little bit. I am asking you to make a shift just a little bit,’ he smiled, repeating slowly. ‘JUST A LITTLE BIT.’
The entire room started giggling.
‘5%. Just 5% is already good.’
I don’t know what it was I felt. Probably the same feeling had by everyone who did Ice Bucket Challenge. (I didn’t, but I imagine it’s something like that.) My biggest idol, great teacher, grand Buddhist leader, says that a little is enough, only 5%.
I always want 100%. I mean, when I am not in a blood-thirsty, ambitious mood. Then I want a lot more. Often I don’t achieve 100%. Usually I don’t even achieve a half. Do you know how that feels for someone like me?
And here starts my process of self-torture, whipping, giving up, discouragement and backing out. If I don’t have everything, I don’t want lousy several, maybe a dozen per cent.
‘You cannot expect that you’ll change your habits after one or even a dozen meditation courses.’
God, what dozen?! It has to be now!
‘Something that has lived with you for many years will not be changed by few hours and the presence of a guy in strange clothes. This is a daily chore. But setting yourself big, radical ambitions, you will never change anything. You will only experience frustration. If your goal is to be patient, even for those who irritate you, set yourself a goal: I will tell that person one nice thing a day. Even when I have 90 other things to tell…’
I love this feisty giggle of Sakyong. He’s dressed in typical Tibetan robes. It’s hard to believe that he can ever be irritated. But he says that he also feels and knows what I and all other persons in the room feel. So maybe he also sometimes is pissed off.
One thing. Only 5%. Just a little bit.
The truth is that a big, new aim is easier to achieve than changing something old, familiar to you. If I decided to climb Mount Everest, I am certain I would do it. I am not Martyna Wojciechowska, I don’t like cold, and I don’t like trekking. But if this was my goal – I would adjust my whole life and do it. I am sure! Because I did things before that were too big even for my imagination.
But climbing Mount Everest is easier than changing something that grows in you for dozens of years: negative thinking, perfectionism, excessive control, bad eating habits, impatience, being late to meetings with friends, over-analysing, etc.
It is so difficult, because from an impatient person I’d like to transform into Sakyong. To trade perfectionism for hippie attitude to life; the spontaneous nature – for German precision.
‘Everything excessive is not good for us. This is why all I ask you is to make one small move towards change. JUST A LITTLE BIT, BUT MAKE A SHIFT. IT’S MORE PRACTICAL.’
Such is the lesson of a great teacher for me. His distance and sense of humour allowed me to see that 5% is better than 100%, because the real change is better than a dreamed-up one. And several per cent that becomes reality is much more than 100%, which will never happen.
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