There are people who love Christmas. And there are also people like me. I don’t have any trauma related to that period of the year – at least none that I’m aware of. I just get sick when I hear Jingle Bells and get nauseous when I see a Coca-Cola truck. I’m not a fan of carols and I hate that every year I can see Christmas trees and decorations in stores already in October. I don’t have any specific reason for not liking Christmas, just as I don’t have one for not liking honey, bacon or farina – I just don’t like it, period.
I never understand when someone asks me: Are you ready for Christmas? What does it even mean? Whether I bought the gifts? Whether I bought the food? Whether I did the cleaning? Or whether I started being nice to everyone?
I’m not the biggest saint in the world and I often admitted that I like shopping, brands and beautiful life – but I can’t stand commercialization and social expectations and pressure. I also don’t intend to discuss it on any therapeutic session, because I don’t mind it – I accepted that I don’t have to like everything. But there’s one person who cannot accept that – Mariam. There are other people who don’t accept that I don’t like Christmas. They try to convince me and to make me see reason (which only reinforces my conviction that I don’t like Christmas – because if there’s something that I like less than Jingle Bells it’s when someone tries to talk me into something pushingly). But Mariam has a much more practical approach.
When she learned for the first time that Christmas is not my favourite time of the year, she said “Great! Come to French Guiana then. I’ll prepare for you a workshop on terrific Christmas. I’ll SHOW you – not convince, not persuade – but just SHOW you how to like Christmas.”
- It’s only a day, not the end of the world.
That’s the number one principle from which all the other principles are derived. It’s not a wedding, which takes place once in a lifetime (let’s hope). It’s also not childbirth or any of these events that take place rarely and are totally special. So there’s no point in getting distracted and burning yourself out. So, like Mariam uses to say, “Peace and love. It’s not cool to be stressed”.
- Do what you like, but do more of it
The basis for this principle is the everyday conviction that the most important person is you. It’s just like they tell you on the plane – before you start saving your child, save yourself. Let’s make it clear – if you’re unhappy, you’re not going to make anyone happy either. Thus, it’s very PRACTICAL to take care of yourself – thanks to that you’re happy and the whole world is happy together with you. Since you’re the most important person, on that day you are permitted even more so to give yourself some more pleasure, because Christmas is not supposed to be a PUNISHMENT but a reward for the whole year.
On that day after eating a delicious breakfast:
- We went for an hour-long stroll along the coast
- We caught a boat to a Indiginos village.
- We ate the second breakfast there (and then lunch)
- We were learning how to shoot a bow (Mariam liked it more because she’s better at it) and weave baskets from palm leaves – here it was my turn to be much better (and in the end it turned out that deep inside …I was born to be housewife)
- We went by canoa together with the “chief” and the shaman of the tribe to visit the surrounding area
- We had some ice cream and watched two episodes of The Big Bang Theory
- We had an hour-long nap
And then we started preparing for Christmas.
3. It’s better to do less, but happily
Clean up just as much as necessary, but not more. It’s not a time to be your better self but to be better for yourself. It’s enough for things to be good enough, since the one whose birthday we’re celebrating is not going to come and use white gloves to check if things are perfect. If you’re stressed that things have to be perfect, this ruins things not only for you but for others as well. There is really no benefit from you working until you drop and then being tired and angry – especially since no one is going to appreciate in anyway. It’s better to do less, but happily. Just as much as necessary, but not more. Self-sacrifice never did anyone any good. It’s the same with perfectionism (this is Mariam’s opinion that I don’t embrace, but you don’t question your guru). When Christmas comes, you should sit at home, drink wine and watch TV, not spend your time stuck in traffic jams.
4. Carrefour is your Santa Claus
If you CAN buy something ready/frozen/semi-frozen – you SHOULD buy it. There is no need to make something just because it has to be made at home. Someone else made it somewhere else too, so why not celebrate their job by enjoying a quick and nutritious meal that we didn’t have to make?
That principle I learned while enjoying the aperitif served prior to the dinner. If you can’t feel the difference – why exert yourself?
What’s additionally important is: how much are you buying? Christmas in not preparation for war – you don’t have to be agitated about supplies. It’s only 2 days! Later everything is going to be open again. You won’t die of starvation. And if you do run out of something, there are 24/7 stores or, even better, there are friends who love cooking and storing supplies. Surely they have some food to share that would otherwise go to waste. And they surely miss your company.
5. The “15 minutes or it’s OUT” principle
Mariam likes cooking because she always applies the principle of 15 minutes. If preparing some meal takes more than 15 minutes, it has to land on the Christmas meal blacklist (in case of Mariam this blacklist applies not only during Christmas but during the whole year). Christmas holidays, as the name suggests, is a time of resting and spending time with your close ones. A turkey, a duck or other complex meals are not included in that definition, so they go OUT. Screw it! In a supermarket, turn on your heel and go to a different section – see principle no. 4.
6. It’s best to spend Christmas with friends
Especially when the celebration takes place at their home. Let yourself be invited and let yourself rest – you don’t need to worry about preparation. Just bring a meal (that takes up to 15 minutes to prepare after thawing), a dessert (bought) and some prosecco (bought as well). The whole thing takes 1 hour and 15 minutes, of which 45 minutes is the road to Carrefour and back. Mariam’s friends were awesome, because they organized a party in the mood that could be summarized as: Bob Marley – ONE LOVE. “Julia, I think it has been done specially for you – you have to wear yellow and green. You won’t manage to have dreadlocks made on time, but you can sing. You don’t have to dance though.” In my case it’s better when I do it the other way round, but her friends were very PEACE AND LOVE, so I didn’t have to provide evidence that I’m very ONE LOVE.
7. Gifts
If you don’t know what to buy someone, they’re probably not a person for whom you should buy a gift anyway. If you like somebody, you are aware. And if you are aware, you know what that person wants. If you don’t know what they want, despite liking that person, then you have a bigger problem than buying a gift, so there’s nothing to worry about.
“See? I just proved that you can spend the holidays in a nice and pleasant atmosphere and not even feel that it’s Christmas Holidays. It can be simply some nice free time. Is it possible? Sure it is!”
Well, I’ve seen it myself. I’m not saying it will work for everyone. There are people who love cleaning, cooking and shopping and totally love Christmas. But Mariam’s lesson is as follows: Do what you love! PEACE AND LOVE. It’s not cool to be stressed. Thanks to Antarctica I learned that it’s not that I don’t like snow – I just don’t like being cold.
And thanks to Mariam I realized that it’s not that I don’t like Christmas. What I don’t like is expectations, pressure and demands of that day. The simpler the principles the more often we tend to forget about them. So I’m grateful to Mariam for reminding me that:
When we reject everything that we don’t like, what is left is only the things we like.
And that’s what I wish you! During Christmas. After Christmas. And on each single day.
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