I made a summary of gains and losses in my life and I saw that:
A lot of things I wanted to have – I don’t have.
Many things I dreamt about will NEVER come true – no matter what I will not become a ballerina at La Scala and I will not do the solo dance.
Plenty of situations I visualised did not materialise and I will probably not get a Nobel Prize for a grand discovery in the field of genetics.
BUT
I have a lot more things, situations, and emotions in life than I once dreamt I would have.
A lot more adventures happened to me than my imagination could comprehend.
I met many more beautiful people than I ever planned.
Yes, I am not in a place where I thought I would be when I was 5, 15 or even 25!
I am somewhere else and it feels good (even if sometimes it feels unbearably bad).
Once, the only question I asked myself more often than “Why me?” was: “Why not me?”
Tormenting myself searching for an answer to this extremely rare among the entire mankind question, I understood that the universe does not treat me, itself or anyone else very seriously.
And there cannot be the serious answer to a frivolous issue.
Because, really, there is no problem.
The world is flirting with me. And when I’m sensible enough to treat it like a flirt and not a job interview – the space of colours and opportunities opens in front of me.
Yes – my life does not always or even usually go the way I want it to. But flirting with reality I get far more than when I have a list of requirements. My psychopathic expectation that it will be nice and pleasant, and that I will always get what I want, if only I want it enough and prepare myself, is not conducive to lightness of being. Therefore, when I have to – I am serious and demanding, and when I can – I flirt with reality… Then I am frivolous and with gratitude I accept whatever the fate gives.
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