Me – my own God

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I believe in intentions more than I believe in opinions

Psychologists say that the truth, when expressed with bad intentions, is aggression. There is objective truth, so subjective truth is only an opinion, that is, a single person’s truth.

If you have bad intentions, it’s better to stay silent rather than talk.

I believe in responsibility more than I believe in blaming others

Blaming others is admitting  that you are hopeless. I believe that no person is like a lone leaf on a tree in late autumn that is at the mercy of wind and rain. I have influence on who I am, what I feel, how I react, who I befriend, where I work, what I eat and where I live. There is no blame. There are only decisions and consequences.

I believe in conversation more than I believe in making excuses

Talking is not always easy. Especially when you know it will be difficult. Everyone wants just to close their eyes and open them after everything  will be fine again. But it doesn’t work like that. Nothing gets done by itself. In order to change something you need to go through your personal, misunderstandings, tears, accusations, sadness, hurting someone or even saying goodbye. Things are just the way they are.

It’s my choice and I’m not ashamed of it, I don’t apologize, I don’t blame anyone and I’m not looking for arguments. I say how things  are – even when it takes its toll on me. Even when sweat trickles down my forehead and when I have a lump in my throat. I have the courage to speak, listen, ask questions and answer honestly.

I believe in listening  more than I believe in  speaking

This statement is coming from a person who talks a lot… but the fact is… I only know that I’m present when I’m listening.

During meditation retreats you don’t talk at all. Not because monks love silence, but because it helps people not to lie, not to pretend and not to make things up. We don’t listen to others as we don’t even know how to listen to ourselves. You learn yourself  in silence, you become more yourself than when you talk.

That’s why during the 10 day of Vipassana I learned more about myself than during years of therapy. In the end, what both monks and psychologists say is true: THE ANSWER LIES INSIDE YOU!

I believe in understanding more than I believe in judging

To judje is easy. That’s why every one of us does it more or less often. Everyone just like everyone is sometimes lazy, overeats during Christmas or is unpleasant to a waiter. It happens. But it shouldn’t become a habit. It’s better if this is just an accident. You stumbled – you got up – you went forward. You judged – so apologize and get back to listening. Who are you to judge? I know that sometimes we think that we’re entitled to that, that we know for sure… I’m often under such impression, but life is not about things being easier or more pleasant. Life is about letting another person discover their own truth. He is not born to make her happy. And she is not born to make him happy. We are born to carry our truth – no meter if he or she likes it or not.

I believe in being together more than I believe in being next to each other

I believe in truth. I also believe in truth between people. I don’t glorify friendships that last for years. It’s more important for friendship to be based on truth rather than to exist for sake of existence. People choose different paths. Sometimes they change. But being together because of history, sentiments or any other “important reasons” when there is no understanding, support or intimacy is a failure. It’s aggression. Both towards one’s own self and towards others. Indifference is the opposite of love – and it’s much worse than active hate. That’s why I don’t believe that something that is worse than hate may bring any good. Leave or let the other person leave – don’t let history shackle you both. You both are born to be happy not to live fake life. Nobody gives awards for that. Give award to yourself NOW – be happy, be honest with yourself and other person.

I believe in happiness more than I believe in routine

Happiness doesn’t always come easily. Often (and some say that always) it is a decision. Everyone who had to change their life, gave up a job, gave up education, end a relationship or start a new one – knows that happiness is often born in pain. However, everyone who ever experienced happiness is not going to abandon it in exchange for habit and routine – things that are safe, but voiceless, helpless and faceless.

I believe in gifts more than I believe in sacrifice

Making a sacrifice means: I’m better. It’s a certain form of humiliation of another person.

I believe in giving – I give because I want to. I give because that’s my choice. I don’t make sacrifices in order for you to do the same for me. I’m not preparing myself a soft landing so that in case of any problems I can tell you “how dare you” or “how can you”.  If some day you won’t be willing to do for me what I do for you that’s ok. I gave, because I wanted to. I was happy to do it and I did it consciously.

Making sacrifices is just manipulating while pretending to be another Mother Theresa.

I believe in partnership more than I believe in clinging onto somebody

Partnership means we decide TOGETHER what and how we live. It also means  to make sure that the partner  is not taking too much on him/herself. We don’t push towards our direction but understand that acting together is more efficient and joyful, rather than making other person work like a mule. Partnership means that you define together what happiness and togetherness means

That is why I believe in working more than I believe in using the work of others

I don’t like parasites. No one does. The worse ones are those who remain invisible, who eat your life slowly like termites and at some point you look back but it’s too late and you can’t help but wonder where they came from and why you couldn’t see it. I don’t like being used – that’s why I don’t believe that it’s ok to use others. I believe that work  is dignifying because it shows what we can do and what we’re capable of. For us, human beings, this is more important than the comfort and pleasure of using what others give us. In Buddhism it is believed that only monks and the handicapped are allowed not to  work. In practice, it’s only the  handicapped. Because monks are actually working. An honest prayer for somebody may constitute a payment for food or shelter. So even if monks are working – what is your excuse?

I believe in letting something go more than I believe in holding on to it

I don’t like losing anything so it was never easy for me to let go. I had to fall in love with changes in order to notice that whenever I let something go, something  better appear. I believe in making space for the beautiful things in my  life.

I believe in colourful magic more than I believe in grey everyday life

I believe in magic because I experience it. Because I create it and I choose it. Because it’s more pleasant than mediocrity and insipidness. Maybe I don’t have the most extraordinary life in the world but I make it as extraordinary as my imagination allows me.

I believe in warriors more than I believe in oppressors

Being a warrior means being responsible for who you are. It means believing in yourself and your life. It means optimism and confidence. A warrior doesn’t always win but always does their best. I have no respect for oppressors because it’s the way taken by the weak people. When the number of grudges is higher than the number of arguments, when YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU is more frequent than I – this becomes  like a fight of drinkers in front of liquor store rather than a battle of giants. You need to respect your opponent and fight nobly, which means fighting with arguments and not with the number of invectives.

I believe in all of this and I live with all of this because…

I believe in myself more than I believe in opinions of others

And that is what I believe in the most. Opinions are a subjective truth. If I’m supposed to believe in any subjective truth – then I prefer it to be a truth of my own.

That’s why, according to the principle of Catherine the Great, I tell myself all the time, like a mantra:

“Hear everyone but listen only yourself”.

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