Sometimes I feel like this whole obsession of a modern world about acceptance, tolerance and unconditional love is just mumbling, rubbish and declaration! Everyone agrees, everyone thinks it’s right, everyone needs it, but it has nothing to do with what’s happening in reality. WORDS WORDS WORDS. They mean nothing!
As we learn from professional literature (so called self help-books) – we all should accept each other, but as we’re all a little crooked and have scars, it’s not easy, so at least we can expect it from people who are most close to us. But they know us SO WELL, that they know how to make us better. That want to improve us just a little bit. Out of love. Out of good intention. (I do have my own theory about it.)
I don’t know about you, but I have some classical cases of how people want to ‘upgrade’ me.
If you only tried to look more elegant….
There are women that look like they come from a Chanel commercial – always beautiful, elegant and classy. A haircut that looks like they come straight from a stylist (which often is true), perfect make up, lipstick that stays all day, hands that look like they’re made only to hold a glass of champagne. Perfect. Outstanding. Better than a cover girl, because their only image is perfect make up. Born to be stars.
Do you know such people? I do and I love them and admire them a lot, but… IT’S NOT ME.
The only reason I actually mention it, beside the obvious fact that I’m not like that, is that I’m still being told about this a lot. ‘You could, if only you tried a bit!’.
Why don’t you buy a Chanel/Burberry/Louis Vuitton bag? Its classic elegance suits all occasions… and is handy in every situation…
The shortest answer is that I’m not an example of classic elegance. Besides I wouldn’t let myself spend 3-6k Euros for such a bag, even if it’s iconic. Not because I cannot afford it but just because I think it’s unreasonable… Lately a friend of mine, who has 5 of such bags, was trying to convince me how great an investment it is. That it’s a mixture of common sense with pleasure. Yes, I had the same thoughts as you are having right now, but she had a point! A year ago, after 3 years of using a bag, she sold it with 1,5k Euros profit. Yes, it makes perfect sense. But it’s not an investment for myself – I love myself too much, to care about THINGS.
I have that kind of philosophy – I like having beautiful things, but I don’t like taking care of them. I like, on the other hand, taking care of myself, which means not caring too much about trivial things like ‘where should I put it/hang it/sit’ etc. So despite if the bag would cost 200PLN or 20k PLN – I would still drop it on the floor, put a lot of stuff in it, etc.
You look like… I don’t know… why are you wearing so many colours?
Those more sensitive have tried not to label my look. But I’ve been told many epithets – sometimes super nice in my opinion – parrot, gipsy, flower, rainbow, bird, etc. But in the end it all comes down to one thing – why can’t I look like a normal human being?!
I experienced it really strongly when I was in Copenhagen – a city of black and white. A friend of mine said to me when she saw me: “No one will treat you seriously here. What’s wrong with you? Well… it looks like… you ran away from a circus. They’ll think you’re crazy.” (It wasn’t a really nice friend, but at least she was very honest.)
You should look more representative at your age.
That’s the favourite one. What does that even mean? What age of mine? And what does ‘more representative’ mean?? Representative for who? My philosophy is that we should respect rules of others but without violating our rules.
When I’m in a corporation and I see pretty, simple dresses, so called “two-pieces”, I remind myself it’s not my place. Well, I’m not a ‘two-piece’ girl, or classic black and I don’t have a Scandinavian style. Besides, the best representation at my age is my brain – not my dress.
High heels are really feminine and those Trippens of yours are the ugliest shoes in the world. Couldn’t you wear something more classic?
I agree 100% – if I could catch a goldfish – I would ask it for the ability to walk in high heels. But I can’t, my feet hurt. “It hurts everyone, but you need to suck it up. You think it doesn’t hurt me? But it’s all for the look!” – a friend of mine, who works as a model, told me once. First of all, there are boundaries of suffering – and wearing high heels is one of them. Furthermore, in respect to Mikołaj Wróbel (the best orthopaedist in the country – if anyone needs him), who has put my leg back together three times already, I don’t let myself on this 10cm of craziness for more than on special occasions.
And the hair – couldn’t you let someone style it for you? After all, you can afford it…
Oh irony… I’m obsessed with my hair. But … I just like it a little bit messy – I don’t feel well when it’s too perfect.
And I don’t really HAVE TIME FOR THIS. Precisely speaking – I don’t want to have time for this, because I won’t have time for other things I enjoy. Everything in life has to have its priority. I like beautiful, shiny commercial looking, but… most of the time I wear hat + my hair is naturally a little curly, so in the tropics, I look like I survived an explosion in a pasta factory.
The truth is, I would like to look #likeChanelGirl.
I love women that look like they are from the big screen. Their elegance, the way they move, their manners. If I were to choose – I’d like to be like them. I used to regret that I don’t have enough elegance and discipline in me, to be like a Chanel Girl.
But I remember some situations in life when I wanted to be someone I am not. It never ends well.
Someone asking, ‘Why aren’t you more…?’ is just assuming that there is something to change. So the next time you are going to ask someone, anyone, why isn’t that person ‘more’, ‘wearing this’, ‘look more like’… think about it, what you are really saying? Is it better for your friend or maybe it’s just better for you? For what do you expect this person to be/to look like?
And the next time you hear a request to upgrade yourself, think about it – do you really need/want this change? And don’t beg for acceptance – that’s humiliating. Either someone likes you for who you are, or not. They don’t need to spend time with you, but ABSOLUTELY NOTHING gives them the right to change or improve anything about another person.
So I think that Chanel girl is as fine as not-Chanel girl.
There is a place for everyone in the world – freaks and stars.
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